Here is an abridged version of an email that I sent to a friend. For background, you should know that she has a nursing degree and her husband is just starting med-school. Even though she is totally smart enough for med-school, she chose not to go because she wants to do other things with her life. She sent an email complaining about the arrogance and pressure to be "the best" associated with her husband's program. This is my response:
I know that Luke already replied and gave you a great response (I really liked reading what he wrote, actually...) but here's my take on it as well...
It drove me nuts being in the degree program and being surrounded by people who thought that they were something special. And they do try hard to make you feel like you are hot shit. I felt really weird leaving because I was one of three people accepted last year and they had invested lots of money in me (I know that med-school's different in that you pay them tons of money whereas I didn't pay a dime for my year at UMN... but that almost makes it worse--it's like the med school people are saying "oh you're so smart now pay us tons of money to keep telling you that you're smart"). When the rumor got around that I was quitting, one girl came up to me and said that she wishes she'd been brave enough to quit when she started because now she's almost 30 and has nothing to show for her life so far... And that was the exact thing that drove me away from it. After already doing 5 years of post-high school studies, I was sick of being the "learner", of not having my life started at all. And even when I finished, I was going to be the new professor out there trying to make a name for myself, trying to get recognized so I could get a job. I realized that I was about to spend the next ten years working to establish myself in a world of arrogant assholes! What a waste of time that sounds like. I couldn't even stand being a fellow student with these people, imagine having them as colleagues! I imagine that the med-school world has got to be even worse for things like that.
It takes a lot of balls to turn your back on what the world wants you to do. Molly's dad really wants her to be a lawyer and she's happy as a preschool teacher but she has constantly be reminded that he thinks she could "do better with herself". One of our Canadian friends from Newcastle was in law school for a week before quitting to become a dog trainer--and her family told her she was "lowering her standards"! When you're surrounded by people who are following the normal procedure, it can feel like you're being stupid by rejecting it but in reality, you're the smart one for knowing yourself. Our society prefers to pigeon hole people: You're smart? You should be a lawyer, doctor, professor, etc. You're mechanically minded? You should be an engineer. You do bad in school? You should be a car mechanic. But it's all focused on that career, that capitalist dream, never on the person. All those doctors and lawyers might instead be great painters, fathers, teachers, hiking guides. But they're doing the "right" thing and in that they are missing out on so much of what life has to offer.
Sorry for rambling on like that. But it's something that really gets me going!
I hope she finds that encouraging and not just the angry rantings of a mildly insane former PhD student...
I know that Luke already replied and gave you a great response (I really liked reading what he wrote, actually...) but here's my take on it as well...
It drove me nuts being in the degree program and being surrounded by people who thought that they were something special. And they do try hard to make you feel like you are hot shit. I felt really weird leaving because I was one of three people accepted last year and they had invested lots of money in me (I know that med-school's different in that you pay them tons of money whereas I didn't pay a dime for my year at UMN... but that almost makes it worse--it's like the med school people are saying "oh you're so smart now pay us tons of money to keep telling you that you're smart"). When the rumor got around that I was quitting, one girl came up to me and said that she wishes she'd been brave enough to quit when she started because now she's almost 30 and has nothing to show for her life so far... And that was the exact thing that drove me away from it. After already doing 5 years of post-high school studies, I was sick of being the "learner", of not having my life started at all. And even when I finished, I was going to be the new professor out there trying to make a name for myself, trying to get recognized so I could get a job. I realized that I was about to spend the next ten years working to establish myself in a world of arrogant assholes! What a waste of time that sounds like. I couldn't even stand being a fellow student with these people, imagine having them as colleagues! I imagine that the med-school world has got to be even worse for things like that.
It takes a lot of balls to turn your back on what the world wants you to do. Molly's dad really wants her to be a lawyer and she's happy as a preschool teacher but she has constantly be reminded that he thinks she could "do better with herself". One of our Canadian friends from Newcastle was in law school for a week before quitting to become a dog trainer--and her family told her she was "lowering her standards"! When you're surrounded by people who are following the normal procedure, it can feel like you're being stupid by rejecting it but in reality, you're the smart one for knowing yourself. Our society prefers to pigeon hole people: You're smart? You should be a lawyer, doctor, professor, etc. You're mechanically minded? You should be an engineer. You do bad in school? You should be a car mechanic. But it's all focused on that career, that capitalist dream, never on the person. All those doctors and lawyers might instead be great painters, fathers, teachers, hiking guides. But they're doing the "right" thing and in that they are missing out on so much of what life has to offer.
Sorry for rambling on like that. But it's something that really gets me going!
I hope she finds that encouraging and not just the angry rantings of a mildly insane former PhD student...
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