Unemployment

Life has gotten in the way of blogging.  We set out to write at least one a week (and we did, for a little while… we were pretty darned prolific for a while).  But it’s amazing how having no job and no real schedule can make you forget to do things that you were always wishing you had more time for.  Somehow, between working in the garden, eating meals on the deck, and reading lots of books, I’m finding that I just don’t have time to do things like paint, blog, reply to emails.  One thing I have had time to do is listen to music.  My parents have quite a pile of old records and, being a little bit nostalgic for the past, I’ve had lots of fun listening to the Beatles, Bob Marley, Cat Stevens.  I even bought a bunch of records at a yard sale the other day.  Ignoring the obvious comments that immediately spring to mind about today’s music being “not just as good as it was back then” (I do, in fact, really like lots of recent music, even Lady Gaga), I do have to say quickly that I find myself identifying much more strongly with the sense of generational disillusionment and solidarity expressed in many of the songs from the past.

On that note, I found this particular song very relevant to our current situation (and I know, I know, that’s the number one corny thing to put in a blog post—someone else’s song lyrics.  Sorry).

But I Might Die Tonight, Cat Stevens

I don’t want to work away, doing just what

they all say, “Work hard boy and you’ll find,

one day you’ll have a job like mine.”

‘cause I know for sure nobody should be that

poor.  To say yes or sink low, because you

happen to say so, say so, you say so.

I don’t want to work away, doing just what

they all say, “Work hard boy and you’ll find,

one day you’ll have a job like mine, job like

mine, a job like mine.  Be wise, look ahead,

use your eyes” he said, “be straight, think right.”

But I might die tonight!

Despite the obvious point that the song is pretty awesome (actually, it’s best to listen to it and read the lyrics at the same time—you can get a good version of it on YouTube), I find that the ideas expressed so simply really do relate to the transformations that I have been through in the past few years.  The obvious message of the song--don't do the climb the ladder thing, don't let your career define you, get out and live while you still can--has been a kind of battle cry for young people in all kinds of situations.  Ever since I was a kid, I figured that I was different and that I could blaze my own trail if I wanted to.  Not only that, I was convinced that I was only capable of blazing my own trail.  No attempt at normalcy here.  I guess that wanting to be a professor was always kind of a "think outside the box" career choice, but once I was pretty far along that road, the realization came blazing in that it's all still playing the game.  Just like in any career field, I needed to look a certain way, act a certain way, cater to the right people, do this, don't do that, can't you read the signs?  My last semester on the program, I started wearing my hair in braids occasionally.  Not the cute French braid pigtails of elementary school, but dozens of tiny braids all over my head.  I used to braid my hair on the weekends when I didn't have to see anyone and so wouldn't be judged for an unusual hairstyle choice but I finally said, "Screw it, I like my hair this way so who cares if it's not normal teacher style?"  I already knew I was leaving at that point so I didn't really care what people would think.  It got me wondering, though, what the reaction would be if I went to a job interview with my hair like that.  Or showed up for my first day of work like that.  I'm not going to lie, I tend towards flashy looks anyway--big earrings, bright colors, costume-y stuff.  That on it's own is enough to get odd looks sometimes, but would braids be a tipping point?  I started thinking.  I started concluding.  I don't want to work somewhere that will make me need to dress and act in ways that I don't want to or that will keep me from fully expressing myself.  Just like companies are not allowed to discriminate in hiring someone because they hold certain political views, I think that not wanting someone who looks "different" to work for you is also ridiculous.  Now I'm not saying that politics and personal style are of the same importance, but when I go out the door in the morning, I want the way I look to be an accurate depiction of my identity.  That means that if I get judged for the way I look, I take it as a judgement on who I am.

The point is, I don't have a job yet.  And I'm actually pretty darned happy about it because, honestly, I kind of don't want a job.  At least not a "normal" one.  I still don't really know where that leaves me, but for now, I'll keep gardening and writing and reading and waiting until I either give up these silly ideals and get back in the rat race OR until the right job comes along...

A friend of mine recently started a blog.  Recently meaning it has one post so far, but even if that's all she ever writes, it's worth a look.  Here it is.  We are not alone.

--Allison